George Washington aka Captain Overrated

As a History & Political Science major (aka You can’t argue with me), I took an American Revolution class with ol Dr. Roberts. Through his tutelage and instruction, I came to agree with him about how George Washington was highly overrated, kinda like Seinfeld.

Don’t get me wrong, he was an okay general. The main thing that made him anywhere close to how some historians place him today was that he declined nominations to make himself king (mind you, right after a war to overthrow the ruling of one in such a position) and he voluntarily stepped down after two terms as President.

Why was he held up on such a pedestal? Because he looked like he stood on a pedestal. Even back then people looked up to him, literally. The average guy back then was about 5’9″ or 5’10″, while Washington towered around 6’2″. He was the Hakeem Olajuwon of the Revolutionary War, of course they’d pass him the ball. If they didn’t, he’d bop them on the head like little bunny Foo Foo.

His noble ride across the Delaware? Yeah, cowering in the back like Shaggy & Scooby Doo. Scared to death of drowning. Henry Knox (a large fellow) was giddy with excitement on the trip, but ol George told him to shutty uppy and sit his butt down cause he was about to recycle his cookies.

That’s pretty much all I can remember, oh, he also is lame cause he was named after a dollar bill. Not even a hundred. Ha, stupid.

I’m naming my kid after a credit card, because children are priceless.