It’s all in my Head

(This is actually a repost of a post from my old blog that only Amanda read. Mainly because I paid her gas for the guilt trip, and read it aloud between intervals of her walking into other rooms. Gosh I’m pathetic.)

Well, how are you? How lovely. Let’s get down to the business. First off, let’s discuss today’s headlines. Did you hear Brad Pitt might leave Jennifer Aniston for that nasty girl from the movie Hackers? Oh my, this is huge. I think that every checkout rack at the Wal-Mart should carry at least 28 different magazines describing in detail/pictures/assumptions this entire ordeal for at least the next 8 years. Whew, we went big early, hope you can keep up.

A man walked into a local store (could be Harvest Foods, could be Kroger, I prefer not to choose sides) and he decides to buy a pineapple. On the spot, the man chooses to get the pre-sliced junk over the prickly one. This is what we in the teaching profession call a Gametime Decision.

If I ever found an genie and he had a Robin Williams voice, my first wish would be that he made good movies again. Second wish would be no more guns so we could fight wars with swords and deer hunters could actually call that stuff a sport.

I’m really glad God is love, companionship, laughter, etc., cause it would be super  crappy if His main things were like sauerkraut, heart murmurs, and Ryan Klesko.

Once in everyone’s life, they should probably throw rocks at a sign. I don’t know why but the feeling you get when you finally connect, man, there’s magic in that.

My cell phone looks like it was the bad guy in a Steven Seagal film that had a happy ending. I guess that’s better than dropping all of your papers in the hallway. I’m serious, you know how every stereotype nerd in those high schools movies it look and the humiliation on their face, I felt that and it really does suck. I just wanted to stuff myself in a locker and go play World of Warcraft during “the big game.” Strictly awful.

Had a student write “Badgers rock your sox!” on my board. I don’t even know what that means. Do they play AC/DC in front of my laundry, are they telling these furry/dangerous woodland creatures to rock their own sox, or do they literally want me to put large pebbles in my shoes. I won’t do any of those, you can’t make me cause you’re not my real dad. What do these teachers teach these kids? Oh, yeah, numbers and stuff.

Real quick, whenever you want to tell someone that they are “awesome” through penmanship, make sure you write “you’re awesome,” and not “your awesome.” Because, no matter how wonderful you think this person is, they do not own “the awesome”, therefore, make sure you specify that they are merely in the very low requirement “awesome” club recruited by mostly young, inarticulate teenagers, and not the sole proprietor of the aforementioned “awesome” itself. I say that to say this, I highly enjoy quotation marks.

While I must go because I am still at work 32 minutes after I am allowed to leave freely, and therefore a loser, I will leave you with a logic puzzle that was on my students’ test today.

Good luck and shut your face.

Tyler, Daniel, and Chris bought friend type gifts for each other to express how much they enjoy being friends throughout the year. The gifts were The Bodyguard Soundtrack on cassette tape, some herbal tea from a small country store in Northern Alaska, and a bundle of tightly wound sticks. Determine who purchased and who received each gift, based on the following statements:

-No person bought a gift for himself

-Daniel received the bundle of sticks

-Chris did not give a gift to Tyler

-The person who gave a gift to Chris received the cassette tape

Show all of your work and explain your answer thoroughly and use complete sentences. If you cheat you have to watch the entire series of Saved by the Bell:The College Years.