Man Crushes

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This is happening right in front of your face.

There has been something bubbling itself around not only the mainstream culture, but also in creek and brook culture. You guessed it: Man crushes.

Can I get a clarify…

The original term for “Man Crush” was coined by a little known philosopher from 300 ad named Aristotle and reads, “It is those who desire the good of a few fellows dudes, famous or nigh, but mostly famous, not for dating sake but to have their careers flourish because they like their them-ness, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality within.”

Well my philosophic playa, to put the term in more modern ebonics, it reads as such:

A dude who: 1) wishes they possessed the qualities of another dude, 2) wishes success and progression of their career, 3) just really digs the style, aura, and greatness of another dude. 4) does not want to date said dude, no matter how much he says he likes him.

Here are my Man Crushes:

Andy Samberg: If you’ve read more than 2 of my posts of ever time, then this probably remained fairly obvious. The guy is funny, and if I had room I’d fit the rest of the Lonely Island crew on here too, I’d do it, but rules are rules. Not only is he the epitome of my favorite style of humor*, he’s got good fashion sense and he can rap, 2 qualities I wish I had more than all the money in your pocket right now. If this guy doesn’t become more famous than Adam Sandler than we’ll know the Communists won.

Justin Timberlake: If this guy is not on your list, then you aren’t a dude and you should probably go back to Girl Island with all the girls you big weirdo. I liked Timberlake and his crew before they were accepted by high school dudes. You know the phrase these non-seers of all things awesome would say if you brought him up, it’s the same thing they say about J. Bieb now. I’m not gonna say it, but you know it rhymes with “Spees spay.” Well, how wrong were they. Now, Timberlake is code for modern day Renaissance Man. He can sing, acts, dance, play sports, and date any chick he wants. I goes without discussion he’s one of the coolest guys on the planet. If my hand could lift even a quarter of your awesomeness, I would salute you.

Jack Johnson: Most likely my favorite musician if I had to choose, besides my wife of course.** He’s got that mellow flow, he’s more laid back than someone in a Corona commercial, he lets The Lonely Island make a music video with him, and he’s also digs his wife (ahem, Tiger Woods, ahem, I’m sorry, I coughed, I meant to refer to Tiger Woods and his promiscuity). Also, a big reason, he donates 100% of his ticket sales to the Gulf Oil Spill Relief and other charities. I’d just like to play ultimate frisbee with him once while drinking sweet tea Gatorade on the beach with dauphin friends smoking those old timey pipes. Is that too much to ask?***

Kid Cudi: What is my Pandora station set to? Boom, nailed it. His Indie hip-hop flow just makes me chill after a full day of 100 some odd teenagers listening to me ramble about Systems of Linear Inequalities. His style is fresh, his videos are different and artistic, and his music makes you feel like the most confident a lanky white dude walking through the mall with headphones on possibly can. Fun Fact: When I dress for work, it’s his style I find myself wanting to correlate with most. I wouldn’t mind being part of his entourage so he doesn’t have to beat up stage jumpers on his own, plus we could get tattoos and hang out day and night, waa waa.That last part was lame but I really wanna be your BFF Cudi. Maybe we could hang out sometime and play lazertag.

Ryan Reynolds: Reynolds obviously looks exactly like I and every girl I’ve ever kissed wants me to look.**** He can be funny and do the drama thing, i.e. Definitely, Maybe, and he’s also playing the Green Lantern which I’m looking forward to more than my next bowel movement (that’s quite a bit). Also doesn’t hurt to envoke my envy when you look badder than a guy in a leather jacket punching rocks.

Zac Efron: I wanted 5, but I couldn’t choose so I threw them all out here. It’s like picking between my favorite kid (Titus as of now), or my favorite class (3rd period). Efron falls into the same category as Timberlake. He can do anything he wants, but apparantly he’s decided to stick to picking small movies. I’m sure St. Cloud was good, but he needs a moneymaker. I also gotta respect him cause he pulled off High School Musical without coming off too “broadway” and actually made it cool. Well done Ef, well done. Heard he might be playing the live version of Johnny Quest, which would be flippin tighter than an oversized balloon. Give him one of Reynolds’ 27 superhero roles and he’ll own it. My vote: Calvin in The Spaceman Spiff Movie.

Others that fluctuate in and out of the top spots: Daniel Tosh, Seth Rogen, Ryan Gosling, Matthew Fox, Chris Evans, & John Krasinski.

These are my Man Crushes, who are yours?

* The utter nonsense style.

** I’m obviously not sucking up cause she’s read a grand total of 4 of my 187 posts.

*** Yes, and it sounds a bit creepy too.

**** Which I’m about as close to as Roseanne Barr is to winning NL rookie of the year.