20 Best Tracy Jordan Quotes

In honor of Tracy’s hopeful glory, here are some of his best one-liners, which honestly can’t inflect Morgan’s expert delivery (Side note: I didn’t even like Tracy Morgan’s comedy until this show. Now, let’s just say he’s my Valentine).

Live every week like it’s Shark Week.

What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

I can’t read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent! I think I voted for Nader! NADER!

My genius is come alive… like toys when your back is turned.

Tracy Jordan: My genius will not be denied. I’m like Mozart. and you’re like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart.
Frank Rossitano: Salieri?
Tracy Jordan: No thank you. I already ate.

You know how pissed off I was when U.S. Weekly said that I was on crack? That’s racist! I’m not on crack – I’m straight-up mentally ill!

Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon. Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?

Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you’re science.

I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.

You don’t have to thank me, Lemon. We’re a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken, and a chicken container.

A book hasn’t given me this much trouble since Waldo went to that barber pole factory.

They took my mood ring, and I don’t know how I feel about that.

Jack: Look, Tracy – I can’t just *give* you money. But what I can do is show you how you can *earn* all the money you need. You must know Arsenio…
Tracy Jordan: Hall or Billingham?
Jack: You know someone named *Arsenio Billingham*?
Tracy Jordan: No.

Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like on that HBO show, John Adams.

Jenna Maroney: Acting is about consistency and control.
Tracy Jordan: Got it. No farting.

I’m whipped. Angie got me up at 7.30 today. Did you know in the morning they got food, TV, almost everything? It’s pretty good.

Tracy Jordan: So how bad is diabetes, really?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Quite serious. If left untreated you could lose a foot.
Tracy Jordan: Could I replace it with a wheel, like Rosie from the Jetsons?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I suppose. But then you’d have to register as a motor vehicle.

There’s no link between diabetes and diet. That’s a white myth, Ken; like Larry Bird or Colorado.

Jack Donaghy: Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.
Tracy Jordan: Well I hope he makes me an ‘across helmet so I don’t get hurt playin’ ‘across.

I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror.

This is bad, because I can’t change. I’m like a chameleon: always a lizard!

Jenna Maroney: We have to stop Jayden Tyler! He’s evil, Tracy!
Tracy Jordan: He’s evil Tracy? Oh, he’s evil, comma, Tracy.

I grew up with that guy, he was the baddest gangster in my class. We called him Mean Steve. But his real name was Stephen Killer.

I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.

Jenna, I just want you to know that if we find any human remains in there, I’m gonna throw up all over your face

I like to thank my creative team for coming in such short notice. Also, sorry I’m four hours late.

Every crazy A-lister owns an island. Nicolas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore…

 

OK. Sorry it took me so long to answer. I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.

 

You should never end a sentence with a prepositio­n, at.

Which one’s your favorite?

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