Top 20 Liz Lemon Quotes

Liz Lemon is the lead character on 30 Rock, which has to be recognized as one of the most well-written comedies of all-time, of which Fey is probably the head writer (educated guess). Here are her Top 20 quotes that I could find on such short notice.

[as Princess Leia] I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.

Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he’s gonna kill you and then he’s gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.

Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.

One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I’m really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!

There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!

If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level with drop until he pees himself.

You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.

Jenna Maroney: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz Lemon: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?

I just wish I could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don’t have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.

Liz Lemon: He looked at me with those crazy handsome guy eyes. It was like the Death Star tractor beam when the Falcon …
Jenna Maroney: [interrupting] No Liz, do not talk about stuff like that on your date. Guys like that do not like Star Trek.
Liz Lemon: Wars!

My heart’s pounding like I’m watching Oprah’s farewell season.

First of all, I look weird there because I’m snarting.

Jack: Do you know what pays for your show Lemon?
Liz: Our product placement deal with Sullivan Psychiatric Clinic. Sullivan Psychiatric, you’ll drool over our crazy prices.

You can’t force the fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won’t take because your skin is too oily.

There are some things that are actually harder to do with two people, like … monologues.

[on Jenna and Dennis in her bed] Oh guys, come on, I eat in there!

Jenna: Steven played the race card. What did you do?

Liz: What could I do? I picked up the check and made out with him a little bit in the taxi.

You can’t solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.

No, listen to me. She’s not fun, she’s just crazy. Like, grab a cop’s gun crazy.

I want to go to there.

What’s your favorite?

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