Jesus vs. The Devil: Fantasy Draft

Sometimes I like to think Jesus and the Devil might occasionally play chess, just like in the extremely popular Elizabeth Hurley movie Bedazzled, starring that guy from The Mummy Movies (Hint to them to avoid Mummy attacks/sequels: Move back to America, all we got is the Founding Fathers and they’re all out of shape, or just be in a good movie so you don’t have to keep playing in repeats of your last good one).

I’m not sure whether or not they actually do hang out and are essentially just playing a huge game of Risk with the planet Earth, mainly cause I’m not them. But, if they perhaps played a game of Fantasy Football Earth, this might be what they say in the draft (I’m cleaning up the Devil’s language in case there are kids watching).

JC: How are you today Lucifer?

Devil: Ahh, pretty good, some drugs I planted a few years ago on this overrated actor are really starting to come full circle.

JC: Of course, it’s all over Twitter.

Devil: Let’s get on with this, got a new reality show I’m pushing for so time is money.

Well, technically since God is and always has been, He controls the time, and since God is Love, time is lo…

I get it dude, whatever, I’ll pick first. I want…mosquitos.

Ugh, good choice. I had them last game with the dinosaurs and science is just now catching on, and did I get a thanks? No, they still leave me out and bash me ev…humility, got it. I’ll take Whoppers.

I love those, bad for my figure, but then again I can always transport into The Situation or Lohan. To even out people sneaking those in, I’ll take Movie Theater Ticket Prices.

You’ve had those for years. I’ll take 30 Rock.

Knew that was coming, doesn’t matter, I get all the ratings with my national televised brothel selection show.

But it’s so addicting, I hope he picks Emily.

I want JR high slow dances. They’ve already got the awkward, I just gotta throw in some alcohol and crappy parents and watch th…

I get it. I’ll take NetFlix. Are we almost finished? I just got the complete collection of LOST on BluRay an…

Fine, chill the home out, I want NBA players off-court.

You always do. I’ll take Harry Potter.

Yeah, ever since people started actually reading them I knew you’d get ‘em. I’ll take the Economy, again.

I’ll go with Charlie bit my Finger. Last pick, who yo..

The Yankees. Can’t desert my boys.

Aight playa, gotta ascend. JC, out.

Peace. I mean…Conflict.

Who/What else you think one of them might draft?

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