President Obama’s Changes to Education

Last night was a time when we as a Union listened to a speech from our respectable States. Hence: The State of the Union Address. It’s a lot like any Michael Douglas movie, but with better acting.

In it, President Obama went over several things of importance to the people of the Americas (minus everyone except The America), one of which was education.

As a veteran teacher with enough years and college degrees to invoke a debt I will surely not be able to pay back with the job it has earned me, I thought it was my duty, nay right, nay choice, to let you know the changes The Government should make with regards to education.

Allow teachers to use paintball guns to keep kids on their toes during a lesson.

Free Pizza.

Money awards for smart kids. Question right? 10 bucks. Homework done? Sacagawea Gold Dollar.

Read interesting books like my epic toilet novel of meritocracy. (What outlet should the previous sentence go to? The shameless plug.)

Teacher Theme music that plays upon entrance.

7th period dance parties.

Zoolander Tuesdays.

Video Game classes (dibs on Nintendo 64)

Let us wear hats, for the love.

Practical Jokes: APPROVED!!

Tie Thursdays.

Make it just like college.

Okay, so those might not all get approved, so I put a few more that are less fun below.

If a student doesn’t do well, don’t blame the teacher, blame the parents. You don’t blame a Doctor when they tell a kid what to do/take to get better when they’re sick, so why blame teachers? Punishment: Make the parents attend school with their student if the student is failing, because it’s a pretty safe bet that parent could use some education as well.

Make more courses relevant. Kids ask when they’ll use Algebra II, I say on the test. They say when after that, I say never except for a handful of jobs. Reasoning: If you can make it applicable, I can justify why they should learn it.

Pay Teachers more money. When someone says they shouldn’t because they get 3 months off in the summer, I laugh in their face to keep from punching it. Not only will the best want to be teachers because it would be a good financial decision, but the time they would save from working 1 or 2 extra jobs to supplement the lack of income could be able to be used to hone their craft and become better teachers, which brings me to…

Offer them free post Bachelor education. I think I heard Norway or somewhere does it, and they are kicking faces in Education. Look at it as an investment: the better teachers teach, it is exponential to how many students they can make better learners to become teachers to teach more leaders.

More kids to college. I know he’s already pushing this, but I think it’s a pretty basic principle: The more smart people we have, the more smart decisions people make.

Why? Because it is the only thing I can think of that affect every single person in America. If we can make the masses smarter/better, everything else gets better.

But what do I know, I’m just a math teacher.

Do you agree/disagree/have anything to add?