How to Be the Best Husband Ever: Gifts
Chicks, man. I don’t see how Mormons do it. Having a bunch of wives is cool and all but that stuff gets expensive. Nah sayin?
You’ve always having to feed and water them. They want to wear clothing and drive places. Ugh…can you say “high maintenance” like a janitor at a medical marijuana facility?
Well, according to the 5 Love Languages and Christmas, chicks love gifts.
But what do I get that dang girl/chick?
Well sit down, because you look stupid standing up at your computer, and I’ll weave you a tale of what to get your wife so she’s gonna be all like Hey boo you know you got the flow and style to make a grown man cry, which is why, I ain’t gonna lie, my dad’s weeping in the corner like a fly.
Brush: Them dang ladies love their hair. Don’t believe me? Cut a big chunk of their bangs off and see if they won’t not give you a hug. They want it to all be smooth like a criminal in an Alien Ant Farm song. That, or sometimes they’re wrinkle it like every shirt I own. Make up your mind you wishy washy breed of gender. Get ‘em a brush, or blush, they’re the same thing.
Hat: She really just needs this cause she looks stupid with those short bangs you cut.
Book: They love to act like they’re smart. I mean, have you seen Mona Lisa Smile? Them girls be all about the books. THAT’S WHAT I TOOK OUT OF IT. I don’t know why I yelling that last part. I guess I’m just passionate about learning.
Money: They say money can’t buy you love, and “they” are idiots. If you keep giving your wife money to buy clothes and brushes and blushes and booksies then she’ll be giddier than a jr high cheerleader that got asked to prom. So go buy her some money and let her go buy lady things that can go on this list.
Well, hope y’all learned something or everything.
What other gifts can you give a lady?
