1. If you do one thing today, keep breathing.

2. If you do two, I would really appreciate it 100 times if you’d click this link and vote for Tyler Tarver Studios.

3. Seriously, refer to number 2 and do that pretty please. I don’t give out attractive pleases very often, so embrace.

4. By “do number 2″, I don’t mean that one thing that causes a mess.

5. Remember the Power Ranger’s Post I did? No. Cool. Well this dude did a drawing of my suggestion of Donald Glover for the role of the Black Ranger. Six words, 3 syllables: Awesome.

6. How bout that America? How’s she doing?

7. Finally got caught up on Breaking Bad. Oh Walter White, you scurvy dog you. Also, Dear Writers: Haunting, and I literally mean Haunting ending to that one dude’s life. Love, Tyler.

7. I made up a joke today while I was teaching and it wasn’t that funny then but I’m going to Tweet it later and hopefully it’ll stay unfunny and everyone will hate it and cuss at me behind my back.

8. I’m going to the Killer Tribes Conference officially now. You wanna meet up and have forced awkward conversation with me and then go play Freeze Tag and become BFF for ever? Cool. Cool Cool Cool.

9. Facial Hair: Face Poop or All-Natural Blemish Cover?

10. All I’ve eaten in the past 23 hours is 2 things of string cheese back-to-back. I’m so hungry I could eat the Black Eyed Peas. Not Fergie or Will.I.Am, they’re too expensive, or the other dudes cause they’re too strange. I mean real black eyed peas, like the food.

11. Did you vote for my new company yet or should I bring it up again?

12. I’m thinking about making a Stuff Students Say video since everyone is getting rich and famous from those kinds of videos (replace stuff with spit but change the p), and I got bills to pay so why take a half-court buzzer shot for a few views? Pride? Nope, lost that a long time ago.

13. Thoughts.

In the comments, what are some things students/high school kids say?

• You remember that song Insane in the Membrane? Yeah, I knew you would you freakin scoundrel.
• Grand opening of Tyler Tarver Studios was yesterday. Want me to make something for you/your organization? Sure, hit me up like Blackjack. Better yet, call me Blackjack, that’d be tight.
• Did I mention I grouped a crapload of my YouTube Videos into playlists? Oh, I just did? You wanna click this to see them? What….You even want to Subscribe to it while you’re there? You’re crazy dude, but I love you.
• You know they say shameless self promotions come in 3′s so Please Like my Facebook Page if you like pizza and/or TV sometimes.
• I’m pathetic.
• If you’re one of the 4 people that didn’t see the ever fly boi’s Tripp & Tyler’s madly popular video the past 2 days, here you go and let’s just say…they nailed it, on every single one.

• I figure it’s almost time Interventions are gonna be held daily for women with regards to Pinterest.
• Been listening to Watch the Throne and Camp nonstop for the past few weeks. Freaking tight. If you like rap, just start licking these CDs. Especially Camp, if you don’t might some vulgarity, Childish Gambino’s lyrics are genius.

• Big News: I got a role in a Short Film called Foot Trackers. I play an experienced BigFoot tracker named Sam. It’s a lot of action and not a lot of me acting like a complete idiot, so it’ll be different than my usual crap. I’m real excited about it. You can check out the Facebook Page or even give a couple bucks to help out with producing it. Filming is in early February. Real pumped about it.
• I’m also guessing you’ve seen this video, thought I’d throw it out too cause it’s true/awesome/rightunderneaththissentence:

• Finally registered for The Killer Tribes Conference. Am I going to see you there so we can have awkward yet enjoyable conversation?

What’s the CD you can’t quit listening to?

1. J-Hollier wrote a To-Do List, it tops mine like a bikini.
2. Been watching The Wire as often as I can spare a moment. Also wanting to catch up on Dexter and Breaking Bad but there’s no time like a burnt down Fossil store.
3. Also saw my first episode of Community when we had some people over the other night. Some funny crap, I can see why it should be taken off the air and replaced with a reality show about washed up 90′s actors or regular people with abs.
4. Oatmeal Cream Pies, I say yes to thee.
5. Finished Bossypants by Tina Fey. Girl got the funny wrapped up like giving  Li’l Wayne CD for a child’s Christmas Present.
6. I wish I got paid on commission for every math problem a kid got right. My honors students would buy me an early retirement and 2 yachts.
7. Finished a video last night for a friend that is one of my favorite videos I’ve ever done. Obviously, I am not featured. Look for it Monday.
8. I used to want to get a 8-ball shift knob for my truck. I think I also used to be a tool.
9. Used to? More like still is!!!! Ohhhh BURN!!!! On yourself? Precisely.
10. Turns out I have been importing my videos incorrectly and getting about half the quality I should and spending about 4 times the time waiting on rendering when I don’t have to. Glad to find out, irritated at the wasted time and crappy quality of previous videos.
11. Bird Turds. It just flows like a milkshake waterfall.
12. ANNOUNCEMENT: For next week and the week after, I am going to be reposting: my top 5 Writing Posts of 2011, and then the next week my top 5 Video Posts from 2011. More specifics will show up Sunday.
13. Found this website where they take Garfield out and show that John Q. Arbuckle is a very sad and very lonely man who talks to creatures that do not actually respond.

In the comments, what is your favorite comic strip of all time. Question mark.

I’ll go second. 

1. Hey, what’s up like Oceanic 815?
2. This weekend I watch Another Earth, which is the film that won Sundance this past year. I can certainly see why it won.
3. Also saw Tree of Life, mega different but mega awesome. Freakin real life. Am I right? Am I? I’m asking.
4. Sent out some Christmas Cards this week that don’t include my immediate family. Hoping to show it to you this week.
5. I gotsa new logo and header, Boss! My friend who was born on the exact same day as me labelled Zach Fonville designed it and made it tight like a pre-break rubberband. You should check him out and hire him to make you something or else I’ll fill your shoes with crab meat. Delicious? Exactly.
6. Christmas is almost here. I’m asking for a hologram of an Easter bunny riding a Unicorn from Santa.
7. Why do we open Christmas presents on Christmas? Because that’s the only day they’re there. Ha, get it? Christmas “Present”. Wow, hold on, SNL is calling me. I accept.
8. If you throw soap in mud, does it make the soap dirty or the mud clean? I’m serious, I want to know.
9. Been drinking more orange juice lately, so I got that going for me.
10. Auditioned for a couple short films this weekend. Hope I can say/show more later.
11. Been listening to the crap out of a CD I got from a friend a couple days ago. Once again, more to come later like a Superhero movie.
12. Shouldn’t people who get cold feet just wear thicker socks?
13. Yes, that was hilarious in case you were conflicted.
14. I love you.

Can you throw that football over them mountains?

1. The Great Sharpie Debate: I’m for ‘em!
2. I’ve been busy like A BEE these past couple of weeks, I didn’t know if you could SEE that, DEE end.
3. As a teacher, I have to repeat myself multiple times a day because students don’t listen to me the first or second or third or later times. It gets old.
4. As a teacher, I have to repeat myself multiple times a day because students don’t listen to me the first or second or third or later times. It gets old.
5. This week a kid who read my book told me it was her new 8th favorite book. I’ll take 2nd to the Harry Potter series any day of the week.
6. Filmed 2 weddings this week back-to-back, hoping to have the videos on-air within the next 2 months.
7. Also hoping to have up a live performance I filmed in the next 2 weeks. Lots of videos, not lots of spare time.
8. I hope you’re still reading this like the opposite of the Newspaper.
9. We are only $179 away from reaching our goal to raise $1002 for charity:water. While my distances have been much much shorter since I tore my ACL, but I have continued to go. Hoping to extend the distances tomorrow.
10. Still reading Knox’s book. Still liking it a lot. Still alive in it.
11. Stanton got his picture taken in almost the exact same style/way I had planned on doing my album cover.
12. Album? First song coming by end of the year.
13. I’ve been debating on whether or not to start some sort of interview/induction thing for people I think are fly…

So, do you think I should? 

Or would that be way too much of a rip of Knox’s Awesometown? 

1. My favorite time of year is coming up….Presidental Election Time! It’s like a celebration of people who take themselves too seriously.
2. My Game? I find out enough pro’s and con’s about each candidate, that way I can go against whoever is riding the high horse around me.
3. I read a story about a 60 year old chick who stabbed her boyfriend because she suspected him of cheating in Monopoly. I bet he was also just playing…half-heartedly. Ha. Pun! That doesn’t count. Oh. Like a broken calculator? Stop it. Okay.
4. I think Jelly Belly’s would sell better if 9 out of 10 flavors weren’t essentially “bitter vinegar vomit” flavored.
5. The Frey wrote a letter to me this week. I will be getting it tattooed on my body as of tomorrow. Always tomorrow.
6. Love Wins = Yup.
7. About the only chill time all day I have to watch a show is lunch, and I’m always torn between 2 I’ve already started: Breaking Bad and The Wire. It’s like choosing between criminal children who curse a lot and are TV shows I like.
8. Hands are the freakin weirdest things on the planet. They’re like chopped up pancakes with a purpose.
9. I’ve been taking some engagement photos of my brother/fiance. Would that be boring if I showed some on this site?
10. If you sell wooden board games to large outdoor pigs, I bet your life is pretty boring.
11. Our DirecTV gets cut off today. I cancelled 3 weeks ago and they called me twice a day everyday for a week offering me the deals I asked for 8 months ago. They quit called when I told the guy I understood why they were trying so hard since Netflix and RedBox are putting them out of business. He got mad.
12. Hello Roku and Hulu Plus.
13. This makes 13.

What game are you willing to shank someone for?

1. Why do people always complain about other people giving them a hard time’? I love diamond watches.
2. I’m going to say that joke on Twitter right now.
3. For the Run Tyler Run charity: water campaign, I pledged to run every day for 91 days. Eight days ago I ripped my PCL (the ACL’s less import yet still painful little cousin). I have supplemented the running with biking, but will hopefull start the running up as soon as I’m allowed. Still haven’t missed a day.
4. The campaign, by the way, is going extrememly very much well. Like, way more extremely than I had anticipated. The sincerest thank yous I can nonverbally deliver to Dan Jackson, Jared Hollier, Stanton Martin, Anonymous, and Christian Emmett. You people are the best kinds of people. Thank you with the fire of a 1,000 suns.
5. I would also like to note that Anonymous donated $653. That’s Six hundred and fifty three dollars in nonnumerical writing. Which is freaking ridiculous and awesome all at the same time. Like riwesome. I offered to write a letter to anyone if people donated anything to the campaign. Captain Anonymous of Excellenceville requested Nolan Ryan.
6. You can probably guess who I’ll be writing a letter to tomorrow.
7. You can still give anything you want to help charity: water get more water to more people that need it. We’re still $244 from our goal, like in soccer.
8. So I finished my first Wedding Highlight video. It was ceremony only, but I still feel medium about it. I’m really excited about the one I’m working on now. Let’s just say there’s a camel involved.
9. I’d still love to film you or your person you know’s wedding if you’d like. Hit me up at tylertarver@gmail.com, or just start screaming, I’ll find you.
10. The first and only blog post review of my book came out. Girl Contrary was really nice about it and I only had to send her 3 oxen and my first born child. It’s cool, she has a swingset.
11. Purple is a highly underrated color in my humble and correct opinion. Thank you Justin Bieber.
12. Someone else lied for me last week. My virtual hugs are way too personal.
13. Almost finished reading Love Wins by Rob Bell. Not sure if I’m going to be able to criticize it enough afterwards to still get to go to heaven.

Are you sick of the PSA videos yet? 

If not then you’re not paying attention.

Attention? How much does that cost? Cause you get Direct Deposit?

1. Catalyst Atlanta is going down right now. It’s the first time I haven’t gone since the first time I went. Lots of excellent Internet and Real-Life people I’d love to meet/see/challenge-to-the-death there. If you guys play the internet blogger who-do-you-know game, bring me up so you can both go “oh…cool” like every other winner of the we-happen-to-know-the-same-person-but-I-don’t-know-if-they-like-them-or-not-so-I-can’t-give-my-honest-0pinion-for-fear-of-this-getting-more-awkward-so-the-conversation-goes-nowhere game.
2. The reason I’m not there: The Stand is going down this weekend. I have the opportunity to do some videos and emcee and meet and connect with some excellent people who deal in awesome. I’m excited about that like someone who broke up with Cited.
3. This is the first sentence not about Catalyst.
4. I’ve been reading Knox McCoy’s free Novel (releasing a Chapter a week thus far) and I’m really enjoying it. I wish it happened as often as a bowel movement not a trash collector.
5. My namesake made his entrance in previously stated novel last week. I’m a toolbag furniture salesman stoner, and I sincerely hope I go out in a blaze of glory or am the idiot who survives to repopulate the Earth with his moron loins so as to repeat the cycle of apocalyptic catastrophes through genetically inherited human ignorance.
6. I’ve been building up my repertoire of wedding videos and photography. If you would like me to do those things for someone you know like yourself or Bill Gates, let me know.
7. Went to the Taylor Swift and NeedToBreathe concert last night with my wife and friends and strangers. It was cool. If I had a dollar for every chick that was wearing a skirt and cowboy boots, I’d have some money as a result.
8. Taylor Swift is #4 on my list. What list? You don’t know then you don’t know.
9. I’m still running every day to raise money for charity:water. Only a couple of people have given so far and they just went up to the top of whatever list it is you keep people on that you highly respect and admire.
10. How is running everyday supposed to raise money for a charity? Am I supposed to be finding money on the ground when I run? I might have should’ve thought this through a bit more.
11. Maybe I thought it’d be more like Mario Brothers.
12. Let’s do a poll. That okay?

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Is there anything I didn’t include that you enjoy, so I can do those things and not things that aren’t that? 

I want to be better for you.

1. Is the loneliest Number.
2. It’s been a while since I’ve done a 13 thoughts, I might have forgotten how it works.
3. Bananas
4. Eggs
5. Milk
6. My friends Katie and Jared have a chance of winning 5 grand, they just need people to vote for Katie’s Salon by clicking here and filling out some stuff. You can vote every day. They deserve it so please if you got an extra 32 seconds.
7. This is my LAST WEEK of my Book Blahg Tour oh 11. It’s been nice dancing on all these awesome writers’ lawns, but it’ll also be nice to buy my book. Threw ya for a loop there didn’t I, Hot Wheels?
8. It was recently decided that Nate and I will be emceeing a bit and making videos a bit for The Stand Conference coming up in October. I like the thing I just said a lot.
9. Starting next week, Video Fridays will be hereby be transformed into…..wait for it…..MOVIE MONDAYS! That’s right, you’ll get a heaping helping of video every Monday as opposed to Friday forever and ever amen.
10. Stanton Martin was hereby crowned Top Commentor of last month and has officially taken his spot on the sidebar. He’s the dude with the face.
11. It’s not too late to become the Top C-Tor of this month and have your crap plastered on my wall, just comment a bunch or whatever or hey what’s up.
12. My son had his first big fall yesterday as he missed a step. I wasn’t there when it happened, but Amanda gave him some milk and a cracker and he hasn’t made a noise about it since. Why? Cause he’s a freakin boss.

Ps. Does it look like he just got a Mike Tyson tattoo removed? It just clashed with his eyes.

I call this last one “The Armpit”.

1. I have had a blast like a bottlerocket doing guest posts on other people’s sites for the past 2 weeks for the Book Tour. Haven’t sold a lot of books, but stole a lot of music. I mean..A LOT. Eat it Metallica.
2. Have you ever wanted to be a movie producer? Really? You’re in luck. We need a dolla dolla bills y’all to be in the 48 Film Festival. Please let us achieve something great/mediocre and/or get your name in one of the greatest films since Air Bud 3. Click here to check it out.
3. Did you see Ben’s guest post from yesterday? If you didn’t it’s ok cause nobody’s perfect, but you can be, Roger Clemens.
4. I just got some higher end audio/video equipment in. I am going to start filming more weddings. I need a demo, so if you know anyone getting married soon let them know I’d video that fool for a hefty discount.
5. If you didn’t notice, I put some new ads on my sidebar. I’m hoping to do a post next weekend about each of them, but I’d like point out that I’ve started a new thing where I put an ad up for the Top Commenter of the Month (most comments). The Top person from last month was the handsome and tumultuous Ricky Anderson. Just look at that sweet face.

Here’s a PSA we made a couple weeks ago (I’ll be throwing these in occasionally for the next couple of months, so stay catooned. What? Oh, tuned.)

Reminder: Even if you don’t wanna give so we can compete in that Film Festival, you can still promote it and we’d super appreciate it like a Thank You card.