Need some input on 3 things that are less than 5 things. What about 4? Who gives a crap about that guy.

1. What is a song I need to listen to right now?

2. What is a podcast you like (if that’s your style)?

3. Who is Nate supposed to be in that picture?

Please let me know in the Comments or I’ll throw this rock. I SWEAR I WILL, DAD!

At the Killer Tribes Business Weekend essentially making all these 2-dimensional people….non-2-dimensional?

Probably could’ve gone with 3-D there.

If we met at the Conference, I’d love to connect with you and we could become best friends and go to Thanksgiving and I’ll bring the yams what are yams?

Here is a picture.

If we met at the conference hit me your your stuff in the comments so I know where to find you.

In the comments: Leave a link to one of your favorite posts of the year.

Part 3: If you don’t have a website, link to the favorite post by anyoneyou’re ever read.  

A couple of months ago I wrote a letter to Mark Twain. He didn’t write back because he’s a jerk and/or completely dead.

Well, I guess I revisited the post later that day and no one had commented. I guess like a kid on a multiple choice test that I’m a bit more concerned about the lack of comments than I like to admit, or I just thought of something I thought would be funny.

That’s the problem sometimes, I do/say crap I think is funny with no regard for whether or not anyone else will like it/think I’m stranger than a danger.

So, anyways, this is the stream of comments I left because I thought it was funny.

So let’s Rock the Vote like an old white politician trying to win the college kids.

In the Comments: Is this Funny…or Sad?

I was going to do a 13 Thoughts post today, but then I was thinking “Francis [what I call myself], I think people have heard enough about you. Also, your fly is unzipped.”

After XYZPDQ, I figured I’d just ask a couple questions for you handsome ladies and pretty gentlemen that didn’t involve something involving something.

1. What’s your favorite pick-up line?

2. What TV show do you look forward to the most these days?

I’ll go first, or third, but never second. 

First off, my boxing gloves so I can type.

Second off, you guys are incredible. I’m serious. Most of my hits might just be from search terms for Power Rangers or Liz Lemon Quotes, but the people who come here on a regular basis are the finest people I’ve [n]ever met.

I know I’ve never met 98% of you in real life. I’d like to, but the Internet’s just not there yet on the whole “physical transport of humans through big tubes like in the cartoons” thing yet.

What am I talking about? Oh, yeah.

A few months ago we set out to raise $1002 for Charity:Water, one of the best charities around.

You guys did it.

The goal was for me to run everyday to correlate money raising (still don’t see how that works but here we are), and I did, until I tore my PCL. Then I walked around everywhere like a late 90′s rapper (except 50, he been hit a few times but don’t walk wit a limp).

You guys still came through and did an amazing thing for some people who need it.

I’m serious when I say I want to give all of you big hugs that go on way too long and even cry a little into your sleeve but say that it’s just my contacts or my eyes are sweating.

I want to thank you.

So…Thank You.

Seriously, Thank You.

I mean it, you guys are amazing.

The superhero kind.

Love,

Tyler

Ps I imagine instead of Ps, girls with attitude end letters with Psh.

Psh Girl you don’t even know what dat boy been up to just talking to Sandra about where you been. 

Yesterday I got to kick it like The Big Green with my son, Titus Age 1.4 (strange name I know, it’s after his Grandpa Age 71).

Whilst we were out and about we went to eat some edibles at Moe’s Southwest Grill. He was eating his standard quesadilla (case-uh-deal-uh) when he decided to pull this little number so I parlayed and we got ourselves a right good laugh out of it.

I posted it to everything Internetual so I figured why not make it my FIRST EVER……CAPPPPPPPPPPPP……SEANNNNNNNN…..CHALLLENGEEEEEE!

So I did.

In the Comments, What’s a good caption for this Creep?

I’ll go first, you go last. 

Here’s what’s going down the next 2 weeks here at ellendegeneres.com, I mean thiswebsite.com.

It’s the last 2 weeks of the year.

Who cares? 

I do. Cause it means I get to kick it with my family, travel to every town in Arkansas, and catch up on a crapload of videos I have to edit.

What does that usually mean for this website? 

It usually means I stay up for an hour or few writing new posts after my wife goes to sleep and dreams about Tim Riggins.

Not this year.

Did you read every post I wrote the entire year? 

Probably not, unless you’re my mom.

I’m kidding, my mom hasn’t read more than 2, which is more than my wife or dog Juno has read.

So check it.

The next 2 weeks? 

I hear a lot of websiters repost their Top posts from the year. I thought that was I don’t get paid for this anyways great so I jumped on board like a poor man’s trampoline.

Monday (Tomorrow): Posting one of my favorite videos I’ve made which I made for some friends in honor of the Christmas.

Monday through Saturday: I am going to repost my Top 5 6 Writing Posts for the Year.

Christmas Day: I will post another Super Special Tarver holiday Christmas Card.

Next Monday: Guest Post by the Sensual David Robbins.

The Next Tuesday through Saturday: I will repost my Top 5 viewed videos from the year.

Monday the 1st: Surprise?

That’s all open to change, but probably won’t unless it does.

Why am I doing this? 

I think this dude said it best so just read what he said and I say “sure”.

Love,

Tyler

Tamara is a chick with a site called tamaraoutloud.com and that’s where I originally guest posted this post that’s a regular post now. Her site is full of wonder and healing devices. Check her out…oh wait….I meant, check her out real good.

Ps This is a picture of her defending my book from some strange looking UPS driver or something similar or different.

A while back I twittered to Tamara we should have lunch sometime. No doubt that lunch would change the world like a token machine at  Chuck E. Cheese.

Location: Chipotle’s or some place that serves steak.

Date: The Future

Participants: Tamara & Tyler (and their spouses but for the purpose of the conversation their lines will be deleted, but they were very attractive and charming lines of conversation)

Mom: Your Mom

Here’s how this is going to go down like anyone who faced Rocky at a point in the movie when the music gets all uplifting and crap.

Tamara: Hello, you must be Tyler.

Tyler: Must I? (I then pull off my Tyler mask to reveal that I am Bill Clinton.)

Tamara: I expected nothing less from you, Mister President.

Tyler: Or am I? (I then remove my Bill Clinton face to show my original Tyler face my mom gave me 26 years ago.)

Tamara: So we meet again for the 1^st time.

Shall we dance?

Of course.

(We immediately freeze for approximately but exactly 29 straight hours in the world’s longest Stare Off, then take our seats.)

I’LL HAVE THE STEAK…RAW! (I scream at the waitress from across the room.)

I’ll have the same. (She sends through telepathy.)

Let’s get down to business like a briefcase on the floor.

I agree– you have to write a guest post for me from the past.

I already wrote it with one hand untied in front of my back.

Yeah, but I need you to change it. You wrote about the Influence of the Norman Invasion on the English Language. That’s not even real and 290,000 words is too long. (All said in flawless Spanish.)

You didn’t like my dissertation? It got me 12 doctorates and I haven’t even put salt on my eggs yet. (I say while firing off 3 warning shots with a licensed handgun.)

It made Natalie Portman cry like a girl, but it’s just too much. It made Wikipedia turn into oprah.com.

I hadn’t anticipated that– it sounds like we have a crisis on our hands.

Suit up?

Suit up.

Later. For now we talk shop.

I was thinking we join websites and finally take down Two and a Half Men…forever.

I was thinking the same thing– that’s why I inserted that thought into your brain 19 years ago.

You incepted me?

Naturally… (Said while picking a lock leading to the Library of Congress.)

You harpooning little first-class. (Said while saving a baby bald eagle.)

I know, it just has to happen. They’ve gotten too far. Did you hear they brought on Ashto…

Don’t say his name, he’s my Voldemort.

Mine is Brett F_____.

My wife says it’s time for me to get to bed, can we rain check that for exactly 8 years?

By then I’ll own Guam, so my answer is of course.

Excellente. This was a spectacular lunch, I think I will go high-5 the Statue of Liberty.

Tourist. (Shakes head, but not up and down.)

(I run through a window while writing Mission Impossible 6: Revenge of the Sith before turning on the spot to face my comrade with arms. In arms? In arms.)

Farewell, Queen Tamara.

Don’t say my name…(face close up)…OUT…LOUD!

We fly straight at each other and the whole scene freeze frames like at the end of Rocky III. Everyone cries and applauds and explodes accordingly.

Who would you like to have lunch with?