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Triceratops: The Search for Doubleceratops

February 1, 2011 in history with 14 Comments

Yesterday’s mention of Ross Geller’s new literature/historically accurate phenom generated quite the interest across the me yesterday. So, I decided to publish the book in it’s entirity. To be read in the voice of Freddie Prince, Jr. when he’s doing that interpretive performing arts scene in She’s All That, that movie with Paul Walker, and….action:

It was dark.

Almost too dark.

Then boom.

The light, the air, the triceratops. His name was Triceratops, which is convenient, and he had one dream, that dream, was to wake up. He did, and now he is moving to southern California in hopes of becoming a professional waitress.

Times were hard in the dinosaur triceratops waitress business. The only jobs Tri (can I call him Tri? Yes, yes I can) could find was working as a high paying actor in sitcoms such as Dinosaurs, The Flintstones, and Two and a Half Men. His dream was fading, but his heart was not.

What are you doing here? You don’t belong here. You don’t fit in. You’re too rich and famous to work here? We don’t want your kind. Generic movie rejection sentence. You can’t sit here. Get off my plane.

These sentences separated by punctuation meant nothing to Tri, he was on a mission, that mission seemed impossible. Too impossible for him to even come up with a catchy and culturally relevant name for the mission. It was too impossible, the mission was impossible. So he did what every dinosaur who moves to Hollywood in the mid to late 2,800,000 BC’s does, he gave up on his dream of being famous and dating lots of beautiful velociraptor, and decided to find true love.

He knew his true love, for he had seen her in a movie he was also in. She was tall, beautiful, and slightly make-believe. Her name, was Doubleceratops. She was the most gentle and softspoken creature he’d ever laid eyes on besides Gilbert Gottfried.

So he took his big giant dinosaur feet, and he walked, and walked he did. He climbed the highest mountain and starred in Land Before Time XXXIV: Return of the Roman Numerals. He built stairs and climbed them, he dug ditches and planted watermelons, he searched for his name on Google, all to no avail. Until one day, out of the green, he accidentally ran into the private detective he hired to find his beautiful maiden in waiting, and the report was good plus great equals grood. She had last been seen on the set of Scott Pilgrim vs The World, and was now appearing in an off broadway production of Dogs: Because we ate Cats.

Tri galloped…wait, galloped? Is that right? Would a dinosaur gallop? Then what would they do? Run? Skip? Prance? Frolic? Yes, he frolicked as fast as his meat-eating heart could take him until he came upon the gracious and dry skinned Doubleceratops. She was even more gorgeous than she was in Person: The Human Based Musical.

Tri: Hello, before you speak, I just want you to know that I’ve loved you for as long as I can short-term remember. You mean more to me than all the mean people could mean. I mean, what I want to say, is that I don’t want our relationship to start with a cheesy pickup line like, “hey, Are you a dinosaur, because I dinosaw you from over there and you are attractive,” or “Was your dad a T-Wrecks, because I feel like I got hit by a bus.” No, I’m not going to cheese this moment with those lines, I just want you to know…I love you, I’ve always loved you, ever since the beginning of time, 45 minutes ago.

Doubleceratops: Dude, I’m a guy.

They never saw each other again and then they died.

The End

Have you ever seen a movie?

Super special thanks to Scott Moore for completely creating the picture. Do you get it? Well then get it, then go to his website like right now and give him money or flowers.

Things I don’t do that I probably should

November 8, 2010 in history with 0 Comments

As far as I can tell, there are things in life you are expected to do. Get a job, brush your teeth, touch strangers’ faces, etc. However, there are some things in this world that persons might expect me to do, that I don’t. Here are a few:

Vote: I love voting season. I don’t hunt, so besides summer and salt, it’s the only season I get to look forward to. Your brain is processing, Wait a tick…isn’t this titled very clearing things this dude/chick doesn’t do? Well, you’re right on 7 points. Let me break it down for you.

What I love about Voting season:

1) I have a degree in History & Political Science, so I understand that who gets elected is important because occasionally they get to elect Supreme Court Judges, who are actually important. Otherwise, not that important.

2) I love to learn as much as I can about every issue and candidate, good and bad, so that I can debate people. It’s completely amazing to me how little anyone knows about anything with the government. Everything they say is a stereotype or a brief regurgitation of something they heard someone else say. With minimal knowledge, one could completely disproved the effectiveness any person would have in office for either side.

I just love to see people get riled up. If I see a hardcore republican (with Arkansas has a plethora of, similar to mosquitoes) then I’m going Democrat, if I see a staunch Democrat, why then of course I’m Republican. It’s the best part of my 2 years with reference to government stuff besides tax returns.

3) The joke I made the other day: Voting is like seeing Inception, you go because everyone tells you to and you walk away pretending to know what you’re talking about.* Why did I say it again? Because it’s the most retweeted crap I’ve ever sent and I got paid a lot of money** for it.

4) Throwing crap at people holding signs.

What I hate about voting season:

1) Waiting in line.

Usually, the top 3 win, but this year the I Hate list just proved too valid a point.

Flush: At home, of course. In a public restroom? Not a chance in the world. Yeah, if I gift wrap an elegant piece of Ashton Kutcher movie then I’ll Van Damme that little handle til it’s Dead & Gone by T.I. & Timberlake.*** But I will not risk checking the temperature of the water in a urinal with my Jaden Smith karate kick.

I don’t flush public urinals. Ever.

Most recently, yesterday at chuch I left it sittin. My pastor was kind enough to close the game for me.

Gross? Selfish? Rude? Prison? No, I am not putting my hand on something when I know the last dude who touched it was very previously touching something else I don’t want any part of.

Look, just pretend we’re playing a game called Fill it to the Top, and/or I can Literally feel the Heat on my Face When I look Down at what You’ve Left.

What are some things you should do that you don’t?

*I did have some random dude on Twitter tell me not to vote because I don’t know the issues. I refrained from asking him what he’s voting and then voting the opposite to make his vote irrelevant, and/or about 30 other smart [alec] comments.

** By money, I mean nothing.

*** That’s 3 references thus far, Shooter.

Where’d That Come From?

September 8, 2010 in history, Jesus with 0 Comments

Yesterday, we had a Professional Development at my work. That is essentially where all of the teachers have to be in attendance to hear someone speak about do this don’t do that, and the kids get to stay home and play Halo 4.

To the Professional Smellament, I decided to wear upon my head, a hat.

To my surprise, quite a few of my coworkers decided to mess with me about wearing it, claiming it not respectful to wear inside. Curious as to the reason it is considered disrespectful, I did some research and found out why.

So, here are some common traditions and where they came from. You be the judge.

Not wearing hats inside: Turns out this little public faux paus originated in the 18th and 19th centuries when me used to wear top hats quite often. They also used to sneak pistols into places via their top hats. So, it became the signal of a trustworthy man when he would take his hat off upon entering a building. Not really applicable when one is wearing a plaid Hurley hat, in my opinion.

Bowing when we pray: I actually remember this from my Rise of Christianity class in college. According to my professor, who had a Doctorate and sweat rings, during Charlemagne’s time (circa 800), comma, one would bow to a superior as a sign of submission and trust, comma, because to do so would mean to expose ones self to potential attack via sword choppage (la ole Marie Antoinette).

Why the Handshake?: They’re not sure where this officially came from. Apparently, the ancient Egyptian rulers used to grasp the hand of their statues of deities in an act of transferring power. Then around medieval Europe, the knights used to grasp hands in order to show that they weren’t concealing a weapon. I’m seeing a trend that people during the Middle Ages didn’t trust each other. Must be cause they had to meet Paul Walker in Timeline.

The High 5: “Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard he died. They’d be all, “Hey Jesus, what up?” and Jesus would probably be like, “What up? I died yesterday!” and they’d be all, “Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude…” and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude’d be like “Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro…” And he’s not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody’s busy, doing chores, workin’ the loom, trimmin’ the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it’s Sunday, so everyone’s in church already, and they’re all in there like “Oh no, Jesus is dead”, and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin’ up the aisle, everyone’s totally psyched, and FYI, that’s when he invented the high five. That’s why we wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait…. True story.” -Barney Stinson

I know this little posty was more informative than entertaining, but hey, if we didn’t have school, we’d all be Canadian. Eh!

___________________

Speaking of How I Met Your Mother, what shows are you looking forward to starting up this Fall?

Scandalous Search Terms

September 2, 2010 in history, quotes with 0 Comments

A day or few ago, this dude who I never officially met in real life but seems really really super fly told me that 2 people have arrived at his site by searching my name. Awesome right? Wrong. They would have doubled my readership and I could’ve bought that house in WhyKeKe. But I digress…or do I…

That got me thinking. Francis, what are people searching to get to your site? Ps Wash the dishes. Seeing as how my thingy cuts off the strange ones after a week or so, here are a few that were within the past couple of weeks.

Most of these terms I have no idea in my lightbulb why it led them to my site and several that I don’t even know what/why people would search for in the first place (read with tone of indignant).

Herre are the terms (and my remarks)

#1 by far……”Streets of Rage”. Apparently, people are not talking about his amazing Sega ball of wonder enough. I believed in its greatness, power, baseball bats, and bosses.

Break pencils (from the greatest illegal classroom game I’ve played besides bloody knuckles)

what church does tyler tarver go to (rep yo city)

“liv tyler” (no relation)

tommy’s world cartoon (a mixture of the rugrat and the big wheel bandit. Can you imagine the possibilities?)

“mars hill church” controversy (I was not directly involved and/or know what they’re talking about. Maybe it’s Bell’s success in the ring)

peaceful pictures of cartoon characters (probably the second creepiest search phrase ever)

george washington brad neely (a combination of an overrated president and 2 of my friends)

picturs that say win (from the spelling bee champion. Ps They don’t say win, they’re made of it)

mr phenomenal 08 channel (I don’t know what it is, but I’d watch it. Probably the Weatherman’s station)

this is correspondence back and forth be (fore we all got shot up by country music stars)

hey dont say my name arnoldo (the prequel to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro)

system action (my new robot sign on phrase)

church softball movie (starring The Situation)

steve’s handy dandy notebook (well we know where it ended up)

cartoon with head shaped like a footy (that’s disgusting, yet a bit intriguing)

the rugats (French version of la Rugrats)

who will get voted off on idol most rece (there has to be some sort of space time continuum going on here)

grace family baptist church (sounds lovely but it beats me, I voted for Perot)

victory nor defeat tapout t-shirt what d (understandable because my arms are 9.5 inches around, flexed)

laptop funeral (insert robot joke here)

the last word toy cursing (I got that for my kid, it’s now called the MTV Movie Awards game)

broken pencil blood (all three related)

And now, for the most amusing and ridiculous and mind-boggling search term to bring anyone here in the past 2 weeks….buddadabuddadabuddada…..

Family 3d porn

(never saw it)

Tyler’s Through Time

July 26, 2010 in brad pitt, history, movies with 4 Comments

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You know that feeling when you say your own name? It feels like the Rescue Rangers are crawling out of your skin, or like you’re trying to talk while your mouth is made of vinegar and mayonnaise. Vinyonnaise. Sounds like a submarine. Regardless, it’s awkward.

That’s why you don’t see very many people being really close friends with people that have the same name, if they do one of them nicknames it up. Like Erin from The Office (her name was Kelly) or that one dude you know. It’s just strange saying your own name verbally, even though writing it feels more right than taking a bubble bath while listening to Breaking Dawn on audiobook.

Just in case you didn’t know from my apparently narcissistic but not intended to be arrogant use of my name for everything Internetual, my first name is Tyler. I was the first person ever named Tyler in the history of the world. All other people are not real or it’s their middle name or they were named later. You cry liar? Nay, children of the revolution, I have honestly never met in real life anyone older than me named Tyler. I promise. Think I’m lying? What’re you wearing? Think again, you’re the liar. No seriously, never met anyone named Tyler older than myself.

But there might or might not be some real and/or fake people out there with my name, and even though I was the rough draft, they took the name Tyler and built empires with it. So, with a bit further ado, here are the most famous Tyler’s in the world on planet Earth.

Tyler Durden: Probably the most savvy and maybe best looking of all Tyler’s (mainly because of the 27 abs and that he’s Jack’s external manifestation of all he wants to be) and forerunner to headline the Derelict clothing campaign. This character is from Fight Club and is played by the little know magazine topic Bradley Pitt. If one were to create the ideal being that’s charming, witty, original, and can punch people very hard in the face, obviously you’d name him Tyler, then you’d fall in love with him.

Tyler from Remember Me: Robert Pattinson’s best acting role to date, which narrowly toppled Cedric Diggory, even though as Cedric he only said about 14 words total. This movie, mingled mostly with a twittering from Tyler Stanton, is what inspired this seemingly egotistical, yet light and sardonical post. This Tyler is confident, strange, witty, and loyal. Like many Tyler’s are, due to their edgy/classy name implications, he was a hipster, worked at a book store, could’ve had money but went independent, and dated the much less annoying version of Claire from Lost. The cat had skills. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

Tyler Perry: You all know him from being Oprah’s BFF and from dressing up like a humorous homely drag queen. Seems like a super nice guy. I’ll tell you one thing, besides the things I’ll say before and after, if he likes something he’ll let people know it’s his. It’s like when you go to college and write your names on your DVDs cause your roommate turns out to be an identity thief that stole social security numbers while working in the college library and took out student loans with them. It’s like Tyler Perry is going to college with Walt Disney, and they want everyone to know what’s theirs. They should just fist fight, and have Jimmy Dean and Betty Crocker as a prematch.

Jake Tyler from Never Back Down: The fight I’d like to see, Jake Tyler verses Tyler Durden. Do you think that’s why they made Jake’s last name Tyler, because of Fight Club? Oh my goodness people, we’ve got a breakthrough. You’re welcome, sir. Regardless of his daddy issue, Mr. Tyler could dance, and by dance, I mean beat the business out of Volcheck and date the hot chick. This role helped solidify that Tyler is a young name, reserved for nonOldies. Seriously, how many people at Bingo are named Tyler? None, sir.

Tyler Stanton from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Okay, don’t think he was in that one, but not positive cause I haven’t had a chance to never watch it yet. This Tyler stars in several quite popular YouTube videos for certain, and is also a popular blog person. Says funny and/or spontaneous things on there, stayin true to the flava. I’m not sure what that means, but Seth Green said it once, so…approved. This Tyler also equalizes some of the heaviness of the popular Catalyst conferences with excellently humorous videos. While this one might come in a close second in a Royal Rumble Cage Match of this list of Tyler’s, he ranks hands down the funniest on the list. Believe dat.

Tyler Hansbrough: This NBA player and ex-Tar Heel might win in a race to the sky (he’s like 9 foot 15) but not as wittingly verbal as many Tyler’s on the list, maybe the Never Back Down one. Then again, he’s a NBA player and he can do what he wants. Or is he? I don’t know, he got hurt in his head or something, but that’s sad so shutup. His number 50 was actually my number in all sports in 6th grade, until I realized it is awful number etiquette and dropped it like it’s hot. Neat side note, one of my friends actually played on his high school team at Poplar Bluff, and since I know my friend, if you’d like for me to sign something just wait til after the post (this is the closest I’ve ever been to famous, except for the fact that my grandpa’s 1st cousin’s grandson is married to Stephanie Meyer. True story.).

Tyler, Texas: The destination of kings and traitors. I went here a few times while I worked at Sky Ranch Camps in Van, Tx, and the place where I bought a pair of jeans I really like, a lot. This little guy is referred to as the Biggest Little City on the earth, the Show Me city, and New York City. It’s widely known for its beautiful terrain and vibrant nightlife. It is also the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln, Cher, and Ron Weasley. This one, along with the latter were both inadvertently recommended by the Tyler two up from here.

John Tyler: This dude became President of the U.S. of America at the age of something impressive. He was the 10th one of those in America. He became it because William Henry Harrison died, he was the first ever VP to step in, and everyone loved him so much they didn’t even accuse him of killing Harrison (but not enough to elect him again). He got us Texas (you’re welcome previous dude) and might have invented something. He actually was going to assume a position in the Confederate Government, but God wouldn’t let a Tyler do something that mean so he died before taking office.

Also Fly: Stephen Tyler, Liv Tyler, Tyler Hilton, Daniel Tyler Sanderson, Tyler Woods, Tyler Green, Ty Cobb?

Okay, I’m done. Longest post in a longer time.

Which Tyler is best? Are there any famous Tyler’s out there that I missed? Anyone that should’ve been named Tyler?

Anyone like pizza?

Letter from my 13 year old Self

July 8, 2010 in conversation, history, relationships with 27 Comments

So, when I was 13 I wrote a letter to myself to open when I turned 25.

This past month, I did.

The real miracle is that I actually kept up with it for that long. Secondly, I found out how incredibly uncool I was, which makes sense because of the correlation with how megatron uncool I am now.

I thought I would share, and I have even thrown in some comments and edits from my future self (for the originals only here’s page 1, page 2, & page 3).

Upon seeing the Garfield style envelope I used to house this little time capsule gem of wonder, it was apparent that the following letter would not be much better.

How lovely. I’m glad you all got to take that ride down the teenage path of awkwardness with me. Man, don’t you wish you could just go back, and roundhouse your stupid little self in the face?

Seriously, I don’t even know what else to say. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

SCL: Christian Gangs

June 28, 2010 in cursing, history, stuff Christians like with 0 Comments

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(Once again, there is a contest to have a guest post appear on the intensely awesome StuffChristiansLike.net and this is my second attempt, which comes after a first attempt. Reminder: I am completely aware that Mr. Acuff’s writing prowess greatly exceeds my own, for he is record breaking Barry Bonds to my pre-roids Barry Bonds.)

Article 3b of the Youth Minister’s Handbook for Youthy Ministry clearly states “When 2 or more gather in thy youth, thee shalt toss the paper of toilets, and it will be good.”

The Article then goes on to describe how all shall have fun and the group shall rejoice and if caught, is required to assist in cleanup.

Little does one realize the escalation paramount in teenage boy shenanigans.

These fun loving groups of Christian kids with driver’s licenses are doing their best to harness their rowdy mischief causing teenager midi-chlorians without drugs, sex, and rap music. The end result is not quite as bad, but should still have a title, because everything deserves a title (ya hear dat Prince?).

If there’s a thing such as a Christian Mafia, then there’s something called:

Chrisitan Gangs [chris-chan-gain-guhs] a) A group of young adults who attend church together and perform fun loving acts of tom-foolery. b) Kids who commit misdemeanors and/or shenanigans in brotherly love, often led by their youth minister.*

My personal experience with this is tragic yet beautiful make believe organization occurred in the highest of schools. Myself and my friends organized a very kind-hearted gang on a very long basketball bus ride. We had four original members (OMs if you will) and each could bring along one honorary member.

We called ourselves “The Seaturtle Bandits,” Intimidating? Scandalous? Danger? Yes, the trifecta of gang names, if you will.

Our last mission, we broke the first rule of the art of toilet paper housing, “Never venture into non-fellow youth group member territory, for thine is the path to destruction.” Long story shorter, our journey consisted of 146 rolls of toilet paper, 3 rolls of shrink wrap, a window writing marker, 2 For Sale signs, and a large orange construction barrel.

We rolled for about 30 minutes, until a said lady home owner walked outside and exclaimed a few choice words, which led to panic, me going back for a leather bag, hiding under a truck, escape to woods, hiding from spotlight and gun for 45 minutes, then wandering lost in the Arkansas woods for 45 minutes looking like a criminal until 4 a.m.

What Sunday School lesson we can take from this synopsis, children?

Thou shalt only roll fellow rollers and/or church members (excluding music minister and all members still owning VHS tapes).
Always haveth thine youth pastor present, to taketh thy blame.
Thy shalt never roll thy friend’s house if his mother doth be a cranky heathen who loveith her rose bushes.
The burn them out of the trees trick works great untilith thy wind knockith it to the ground and it scorches the entire angry lady’s earth like The Matrix.
If thine commith the crime, be willing to clean upith in due time.

Anyone take part in this or another common form of youth group mischief?

* Antonyms: Bloods, Crypts, Fraternities, and book clubs.

8 Signs You’re Getting Older

June 25, 2010 in history with 0 Comments

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After one of my students drew a picture of me when I’m 80 with a nubb, it got me to thinking, “Francis (my inner monologue name) you really are getting older.”

Here’s a quick list of things to help determine if you’re getting old.

1. You stop wearing sleeveless shirts because farmer’s tan are who cares.

2. Every time you do something athletic, something ligament starts hurting.

3. Farting in public no longer embarrasses you.

4. You refer to stories in years. i.e. I haven’t washed my back in years, or It’s been years since my last pushup.

5. You listen to talk radio.

6. You sit with your dogs.

7. Betty White’s kinda attractive.

8. Is Bieber the new Twitter?

For fun, and for the sake of trying to break my no comment streak, let me know a way you notive you’re getting older, or please let me know what happened to my arm.

Best idea thus far: You survived the Zombie apocalypse. Your arm did not. -Jonathan Spurr

Cool Cartoon Characters: Where are they now?

June 14, 2010 in history, tv shows with 11 Comments

When you’re a kid, you’ve pretty much got 2 options when it comes to cartoon leading characters. There’s either awkward & quirky, or there’s fresh & fly.

While awkward deems itself another post for another day, I want to honor whom I felt gives children the clearest insight into what it takes to travel the unweathered path to confident business handling.

Tommy from Rugrats was the ultimate CEO. He handled his business more than the offspring of Donald Trump and that dude who landed his plane in the Hudson. Anytime he needed something done, boom, he did it. He didn’t put it off next week or wait til that promotion. See it, want it, buy it, own it. Tommy was gametime. No doubt about it.

Bobby from Bobby’s World You remember this dude. Used to ride his big wheel around town, doin what he wants when he wants. Boy met World, and they named it after him. Tuff luck Topanga.

Arnold from Hey, Arnold! His room. Have you see this guys room? I don’t care if his head’s shaped like a football, a futbol, a rocketship, or fascist dictator, that room plus his style with a dash of athletic ability, has a recipe for getting way too many dates. It would be like Steve Job’s room if he was 17 and not a complete dorkwag. Gosh, Helga didn’t stand a chance.

Where are they now?

Tommy is 27 and living in Manhattan. He is currently married to an artist who pursues her career half-heartedly and spends his money with the other half. He is a very well established sports agent slash anything else he wants to be. He enjoys listening to Kid Cudi and robbing more high security vaults than the dude from Jumper, always accompanied by his handy dandy plastic screwdriver.

Bobby is a AAA baseball player residing in Tampa. After the episode that greatly resembled The Natural he decided his introspective demeanor was best suited for a travelling lifestyle and a crew cut. He looks like a caucasian Derek Jeter, wears the same number, and dates the same amount of girls.

Arnold is 21 years old and is currently residing in a loft in downtown Seattle. He decided to grow into his “football head” by working out and eating right until he had a “football body.” He is the star tailback for the Seattle Seahawks and models for Calvin Klein when he’s not whisking away young actresses aboard his private yacht, fully equipped with everything his room as a kid had, because people, let’s be honest, could that room get any sweeter*?

*No

Video Treat of the Day:

Pride and Pre-Judas

April 26, 2010 in history, Jesus, relationships with 0 Comments

Last week, I was listening to a sermon podcast by Perry Noble, pastor at Something Church in Somewhere. He was talking about an interesting aspect of Jesus washing His disciples’ feet which I thought I’d discuss.

Most of us have heard the story in John 13:1-17, where Jesus knows His time until the crucifixion is coming to an end, and He washes His disciples’ feet. This was a huge act of humility and servitude on Christ’s part. He was their Master, their leader, and was performing an act usually done by the lowest of the household members. This aspect of Jesus’ act is obvious and has been analyzed by anyone sincerely following Christ’s example. (Side note: This was pre-socks, and people walked on dirt in sandals; so think little muddy kid at the ballpark gross, times a thousand)

The other main avenue people travel in the John 13-mobile is Love Lane. This is also a huge act of love that Jesus shows towards His closest earthly friends. This is apparent also because of who focused on it, John (“the disciple whom Jesus loved”).

While these two (along with humility) are some of the most central aspects of this story and Christianity, there is still one more great lesson I had not realized even though I had experienced it in my own life in a similar situation.

Pride.

If I had to make a list of people who invested in my spiritual development when I was younger, Todd Calaway would be in the top three. Once, when I was in about 11th grade, Todd was interning at the church, and he decided to sit all of us down and wash our feet. I know I should have been reflecting on how this was an act of servitude and representation of Christ’s example. However, all I could think about was how I did not want him to see, much less touch my feet. I hate feet, and carrying the torch for awkward self-consciousness in high school didn’t help. I let him, but all I could think of was gosh, please send an article to the Gazette about how nasty my feet are.

Enter Perry Noble.

After all these years, it has taken me this long to realize that what I was experiencing was pride. I didn’t want to show weakness, didn’t want to be noticed as being ‘unclean’, didn’t want anyone touching my skanky feet. Peter showed similar resistence, his own outward rejection of God’s penetrating love. Verse 8:

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

As we all know, pride is the great downfall. People reject God all the time because they think they don’t need Him, don’t need to rely on anything but themselves, that they alone decide what is right or wrong in their life. Essentially, they decide they should possess God’s power. Not only is it, in my research, the all-encompassing sin of man, but of angels. If we recall, Lucifer was the most beautiful angel, and was cast from heaven because he wanted God’s power, to be more than God, to be God.

Not really someone I want to be classified with.

Now, I feel like I’m in a place where I wouldn’t care as much. I don’t need to build a reputation or have people view aspects of me a certain way. I would like to say that such trivial matters don’t ruffle my feathers because I see that the only thing that truly matters in this world is God’s plan and following the example of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, on certain issues, I’ll forget what’s really important. But then again, it’s a process, a gradual realization of what it takes to walk in the light of God, and then striving to do that in every situation.

Thanks Perry, for nudging me along the path of realization that not accepting other peoples’ acts of servitude is not me being independent, but prideful and depriving them of showing God’s love.

This was a bit more serious, if I screwed something up or misinterpreted something or my hair looks ugly, let a brotha know.