The epic finale to the second part of the 2 part set of parts. If you missed the first one, well why the crap would you go and do that.
Here it is, all I got left, everything, take it all.
Can’t stop addicted to the shin-dig.
In the comments, after how many minutes/seconds did you get sick of Captain Obvious?
If you grew up in the 90′s you know the greatness and non-cheesyness that is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. If you were any time after that, then you know it’s the corniest thing since Pilgrim poo. But, with the gritty and realistic revamping of Batman, Spiderman, Superman, and The Notebook, I feel it’s time we helped get this franchise back on the right track.
Here’s who I think/know-in-my-heart should be cast in the new Power Rangers reboot. Written and Directed by Christopher Nolan.
The Red Ranger: Channing Tatum: This dude is no stranger to having a leading position and/or getting mad at people. That’s pretty much what the ol’ Red Ranger does if I remember correctly. He leads everything until the epic coolness of the Green/White Ranger overtakes him and he’s forced to ride shotgun. Get Channing on board, the ladies will follow, I’m assuming this from the high level of difficulty involved in finding a photo of him not showing his greater than or equal to 27 abs.
The Blue Ranger: Zac Efron: Old Blue’s main job is to be Red’s best friend and never become Pink Ranger’s love interest over Green and Red. What better dark haired actor to play him than the always elegant and permissible Zacky Efron. He’s breaking free, he’s soaring, and he’s my choice, always and forever.
The Black Ranger: Donald Glover: In one of the most racist childhood television show moves besides the entire series of Saved by the Bell, The Rangers decided to cleverly cast the role of the black ranger with dum da da dum, a black guy. Well, I couldn’t stray too far from the original in order to cast one of the flyest dudes on the planet, Donald Glover. Not only can he bring in the comedic effect, the Internet already made a push for him to be Spiderman so I know they’d be on board like the top-hat in Monopoly. Dude has mad skills, just watch Mystery Team, you’ll cry because you can’t be that awesome, that’s what I did, and now I’m casting a movie, so look at me now mom, look at me now (just insert commas anywhere you please). Side note: The Black Ranger was always my choice when any impromptu elementary school PR battle arose, and I’d win like someone inquiring about the time of an event.
The Yellow Ranger: Aubrey Plaza: Staying true to their racist casting, they went with an Asian chick for the role of the Yellow Muskateer. I’m like a colorblind dog when it comes to seeing different races, so I would assume Aubrey Plaza is at least 1/17 Asian cause she has bangs. I know, I should be on CSI. I auditioned but turns out that was for a Clay Aiken biopic, I got 3rd. Plaza is legit, plus I’d love to see her and Glover make jokes about all the other Rangers being full of themselves and not being able to dance.
The Pink Ranger: Emma Watson: I don’t know if she’s the best fit or not but I don’t care, my name is on the banner of this site and I wanna see her in more stuff, dye her hair and have her dumb herself down, whatever you have to do to make this happen. You know her from Harry Potter and The Girl of Your Dreams, but soon to be the gritty reboot of the greatest never ending but always slightly changed show of all time.
The Green/White Ranger: Taylor Kitsch: This guy has to be bad, good, suave, long-haired, and just plain cool. This was probably the easiest pick. If you’ve ever seen Friday Night Lights, you know Gambit’s got the skills to pay the bills (Bill Cosby and Bill Hader). He starts Green Bad, then goes Green Good, then goes Cool White. The White Ranger has to be the single coolest character ever created. He’s just got it (yeah baby he’s got it, I’m yo Venus, I’m yo fire).
The Robot thing they all Turn Into: Optimus Prime: Does anyone else see the similarities? Just me? Close Second: Damon Waynes doing the robot in Major Payne.
Who else should’ve been considered for some roles?
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Too often I waste time posting trivial things with no significant value or meaning. Today, is not one of those days. As you can tell from the title, things just got real over here. I recommend you read the rest of this post like you’ve been gargling pea-gravel, aka Dirty Harry.
This is one of the most debated topics my friends and I had in college, besides the databilty of the female race, and Super Smash Brothers on Nintendo 64. Let’s do the dang thing.
Webster’s Hot Fire: Superhero- A fictional hero having extraordinary or superhuman powers; also, an exceptionally skillful or successful person.
By definition of the book with the worst plot of all time, as stated above, Batman’s superheroness depends on the interpretation of the terms used in the definition. Is he fictional, yes. Does he have extraordinary powers? Um, could he be played by George Clooney and not be extraordinary? Answer: Exactly. Superhuman? That’s where things get tricky like Run DMC.
The only way to handle any life-threatening debate is by looking at both sides of the argument. To almost have 2 faces, to freeze on declaring an answer, to break down the riddle, so as to not make a rash decision, like poison ivy. No joke.
Pro-Superhero: He can fight off several people with ease. He has a costume, a secret identity, and a cape. He fights evil and is never seen brushing his teeth. He has a sidekick, occasionally, who goes on to NCIS. I know they said in Batman Begins that he’s like a super ninja. But aren’t ninjas pretty much superheroes? If they’re not, then that’s not a world I want to be a part of.
Pro-Choice: He has no superpowers. He’s just a dude who plays dress up and can afford fancy gadgets. Is Inspector Gadget a superhero? No. Neither is Batman.
The Verdict: Batman is one of the most popular and well known superheroes ever. He fights crime, and protects us and our fictional city from other fictional villians. Anyone that puts himself at fictional risk should be honored fictitiously. Yes, Batman is a superhero.
What’s your stance on this subject?
A few years ago I was reading my brother’s X-Men book (no, you’re a dork) and I ran across a character that was in around one episode, give or take, that had the “ability” to speak 5 different languages. Seriously? That’s not a superpower, that’s called being Chinese.
I’ve been contemplating this in my head for 30 minutes every day since then, and have finally decided to write a less than mediocre post about it. Here are some other superpowers that I think would be pretty drove (I heard from reliable authority that this is the new word for stupid among younglings today, so use with caution and superiority).
X-Ray Vision: If you are married, this is the worst superpower you could ever receive. What’re you looking at that wall so intently for? I know for a fact that that is the women’s college volleyball locker room on the other side. YOU”RE FIRED! Obviously, in this scenario, you’re married to Donald Trump and he possesses above average architectural spacing abilities.
Seriously though, what advantage could this have besides getting in trouble with your lady, being a skeezebucket, or becoming a glorified security camera?
Glow-in-the-Dark: Is this a real power? Yes, it’s called super-Caucasian, and it’s good for nothing. All the benefits of sneaking around at night are gone. Wanna play hide-n-go-seek in the dark? Ha, got you. You can’t hide from anyone.
Tim: Hey, let’s go rob some rich people and give the money to the poor.
GlowBoy: That sounds like a noble and Disney worthy thing. I’m in.
Tim: Umm, yeah, our minivan is full.
GB: It’s just you.
Tim: Yeah, there’s a lot of equipment and…books and….stuff…and you are like a walking techno club…and stuff…so…
GB: Fine, I’ll just go back to my dorm room and keep my roommate up all night.
Tim: Why are you wearing tights?
Spiderman, in Arkansas: Honestly think about what makes Spiderman able to be so effective…he gets there quick and has built in Gak shooters in his wrists. How can he travel in Arkansas? Hey, cool, more fields. He could stick to a Wal-Mart and a Hobby Lobby and travel about 30 feet, then start running again. Just like with being a successful weirdo who wants to look cool at high school reunions, he’d have to move to a big city.
Are there any more crap superpowers I forgot?
The greatest things you will see with your eyes today on this site on this particular post.
They say graffiti is the sincerest form of sidewalk drawing. (thanks christy)
Really excited about the selection for the lead in the new Xena movie.
The same way I feel about that that butterfly vs. unicorn arm-wrestling tattoo on my lower back. (stolen from knox)
Yeah, it got me.
Let’s see if we can name them all. If we can, then we can all get shoved into our lockers together.
Seriously, let’s copy paste and see how many of those superheroes we can name. Ducks fly together, quack quack quack…
We all know if we had superpowers we’d be heroes that puttered around until happening upon women getting their purses snatched (unless you’re given x-ray vision or invisibility, then you’d be a villain. Get real, you know it’s true).
Besides saving lives, here are a few ways some common superpowers would come in handy like an Arby’s mascot.
SuperSpeed - If you know anything about me, you know I’m a fan of this Stage 2 power, and it’d come in convenient when you go on vacation and you get into the hotel room and you realize you forgot your contact solution. Schwip schwap, you’ve gotten it and you’re back.
Super Stretchy Arms - The discussion whether or not this is a legitimate super power has been in question for many a ages, and the conclusion is yes, it’s just a stupid and gross one. The only real purpose for this laffy taffy lookin power is to turn off the lights when you’re already in bed. It’s almost worth your arms looking like mom’s spaghetti (but on the surface he looks calm and ready).
Mind Reading - What do you want to eat tonight? I don’t care, what about you. It’s up to you. What about Taco Bell? Ugh, no. So you do care? No, it’s up to you. Anyone ever had this conversation every Friday and Saturday night of their entire dating/high school/college career? Sprinkle some mind reading in there, problem solved: What do y…Shoguns it is. How did yo…Just a hunch, and by hunch, I mean who’s Jeff? Oh Billy, I’m so sor…Oh, don’t be coy, 3 months? Okay, wait..my cousin Albert too? He can’t even spell his own name and he’s got a perpetual dosage of wet boogies coming out of his nose. This relationship’s over. But I lov…Yeah, you also love lava lamps and Gilmore Girls, so, you’ve always got that to turn to. What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Well, that’s one thing we’ve got.
Telekinesis - You ever woken up and realized you’d fallen asleep with your contacts in? Then comes the more than vital decision: Should I ignore it and fall right back into my blissful sleep, or do I get up, take them out, and go try to get back to the forcefield of comfort I have currently been enjoying? Not only that, but you have to clear out the Berlin Wall of eye boogers that have fused to the vertex of your eyeball like triple layer ice cream at a ColdStone. Telekinesis: float those suckers right out and into their proper temporary storage device. Why not just improve your eye sight? Like a mosquito, you don’t pick the powers, they pick you.
Invisibility - How much does it cost to go to a movie these days? 10? 20? 50? Arm? Leg? Soul? Yeah, and if you wanna save some money at the concession stand and get a free cup of water, they might as well tell you to scoop it in your hands cause their cups are made like medium sizes ant swimming pools. Invisibility: I not longer have to hide in the bathroom for 40 minutes to movie hop into another showing to get two movies for my money, I just stroll in (similar to Free Movie Monday my friends and I would go to in college, where you stand beside the building until someone goes to buy a ticket, then you just roll in the side. Also could’ve been called, Low Security Monday, but just not as catchy).
Catalyst post to come tomorrow.
What are some that I’ve missed and/or is Free Movie Monday wrong?
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The pictures featured in this months issue of Rolling Stones magazine. Not the music one, the trouble-makers atop the hill one. You know.
A fusion dance of two of my all-time favorite things: Fight Club + Super Smash Brothers = Greatest. Combo. Ever. Squared.
The manifestation of one of my favorite TV shows ever. Also, the most classy. Purple is a sign of elegance people, stay with me.
Fun Fact: My best friends in elementary school used to call me tt. Then a kid once called me tt wanna go pp. He was stupid. (Thanks Clark. For the picture, not the pp thing)
I’ve got two copies. That’s is more than one, but less than more than two.
This last one is the movie Inception deplotted in 3 frames.
You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.
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Since the beginning of time, people have been loving them some debates; free will or predestination, hunter or gatherer, Democrat or Republican, blonde or brunette, good or evil, Edward or Jacob, Internet or baseball, Milli or Vanilli. So I thought I’d settle this thing once and for all.
If you could obtain any of the basic superpowers (Super-Strength, Super-Speed, Invisibility, Flight), which would you choose?
Wrong, the correct answer is Super-Speed. Allow me to digress…I know digress don’t really fit the situation because I am still staying focused on my main course of thought, but it sounds so intelligent to say. “Digress,” goodness, even typing it feels superior, but I digress…
A) While Super-Strength is highly useful for lifting heavy objects and helping your great aunt move, in an actual fight with a competitor with Super-Speed you would lose because: while you would have the strength to knock their block off, your punches won’t connect because they are much too quick. This is proven in the Cell Saga of Dragonball Z, when Trunks went Super Saiyan 1.8 to increase his strength to stop Cell and prevent the cataclysmic events of his timeline, but his increase in size was not compensated in speed. Also, Super-Speed punches cause an unruly amount of damage when inflicted because of the speed in which they connect. Inertia people, inertia. Reminder: This is Super-Strength, not invincibility.
B)”I wish I could fly, oh yeah, who doesn’t” -Dane Cook. Flight would obviously be an awesome mode of transportation and to be honest, BP isn’t too popular right now. However, with Super-Speed, all you would have to do is run super-fast and then jump. “Oh no, I’ll crash,” Psych. You just start running again before you hit the ground.
C) Invisibility, I know the Kevin Bacon underrated Hollow Man goes through your mind and how fun it would be (you’d turn into a villain too Captain Self-Righteous). But with Super-Speed, you are moving at such a rate that to the naked eye you are invisible. With the added bonus of everyone else practically frozen. As seen on tv in Smallville and the might-as-well-have-been-made-for-tv-movie Clockstoppers.
So, in essence, SuperSpeed encompasses the other three abilities to a certain extent. In theory.
I know the first thing you are all thinking is “What about telekinesis, mind reading, and control of the space/time continuum?” Well, those powers obviously are stage 2 superpowers, thus come with their own, separate debate.
I hope you all enjoyed this little lesson. Don’t forget to tip your waiter and don’t be disappointed if you walk away from this little interchange a better man and/or woman.
What’s your favorite superpower? Also, what would you do to make a living financially with this superpower?
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A few of the most splendid pictures I seen dis week, baseball playa.
Takes Scooby Doo to a whole new level. Let’s just hope Freddie Prinze is not involved.
If you don’t let your kids dress up like characters from Street Fighter, you’re doing them a disservice.
Just the sheer awesomeness of this picture required its presence.
Best. Custom. Plate. Ever.
Not as innocent as you might have thought. Explains so much.
I’m a huge superhero fan. I’m also a huge superhero movie fan, so I’m probably going to be a bit bias.
I thought the movie was awesome. The graphics are realistic (as much as possible), the storyline was comprehensive, and the film had that grit like the new Batman movies.
I’ve never been a huge Scarlett Johansan fan. Yeah, she’s got the pretty thing going, but she’s never really stuck out to me as an actress. But I would like to commend either her or her stunt double on some dang good fight scenes. We know a lot of Iron Man’s pizzaz with fighting style is blast, punch, shoot, but ole Scarlett did some flips and moves that would make Anderson Silva weep. Obviously, those are movie moves, but it looks fly nonetheless.
Jon Favreau elaborates on his cameo, and even includes a reference to his movie Swingers. He once again masterfully mixed superpowers, action, hot 
chicks, humor, and realness into a cauldron full of greatness. I wish he’d direct a vampire movie, cause you don’t see any of those these days.
Robert Downy, Jr. once again proved he’s one of the top 3 hollywood comebacks by displaying a spot on performance as the arrogant/witty hotshot genius Tony Stark (ps The first time through I mistyped genius, which I think disqualifies me for life from the category. It’s kinda like misspelling Harverd). His quick wit and snazzy comebacks make the movie what many superheroes cannot, entertaining during non-fight scenes.
The bad guys were perfect. I’m a big Sam Rockwell fan, but it did take me a while to catch on to his character’s aura because I assumed he was playing a fumbling, self-conscious nerd, which he is not. Mickey Rourke also nailed his part. He was probably one of the best played villains I’ve seen since the Joker. He played his part with that gritty, I-don’t-give-a-crap attitude to a T. Although, in real like he seems like he has the IQ equivalent of my new puppy, but the dude can act.
Don Cheadle hits his mark, as always. He’s not as much of a wispy voicer as Terrance Howard, but then again, he didn’t have a rap career where he beat up Ludacris. They made the switch as swell as the Mrs. Cruise to Gyllenhaal that Batman did, and I’m guessing it’s not going to hurt their box office score. Paltrow did great as Pepper, which seems to be all she’s got left besides Coldplay.
Quite a bit of the time, I felt like this was a big setup for The Avengers movie that is set to come out in 2012. If you don’t know, the Avengers is a group of Marvel superheroes (like DC’s Justice League) that team up and fight big crimes. We know the setup has happened already in the first Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk (Ed Norton, not the triple jump champ Eric Bana one). There were meetings with Nick Fury (Sam Jackson) about it and references to two other Marvel superheroes. I will post the specifics on that as the first comment, so as to not ruin it for those of you who have not joined the 51 million dollhairs worth of people to see it on opening day.
Overall, it’s worth seeing in theaters. I heard the IMAX is loud, but so are alarms and apparently people like them too.
Tyler’s Analysis: Once again proving to be one of, if not the best overall real life superhero adaptation…96%
Amanda’s Analysis: “It was good” 100%
But don’t take our word for it, go see the dang thing yourself, Lazy.
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