Look at these with your eyes, not your face. We’ve already got way too many face injuries here. What? Just look at the photographs.
Power Rangers Hoodies? Yes please.
In the Comments: How many times do you use the restroom in a day?
I’ll go first, then I’ll probably have to go again.
Also, pretty please go here and vote for Tyler Tarver Studios for Best Videographer. Please.
I know it sucks to have to enter an email then vote, but in 2 minutes, you can make a grafeful best friend forever.
1. If you do one thing today, keep breathing.
2. If you do two, I would really appreciate it 100 times if you’d click this link and vote for Tyler Tarver Studios.
3. Seriously, refer to number 2 and do that pretty please. I don’t give out attractive pleases very often, so embrace.
4. By “do number 2″, I don’t mean that one thing that causes a mess.
5. Remember the Power Ranger’s Post I did? No. Cool. Well this dude did a drawing of my suggestion of Donald Glover for the role of the Black Ranger. Six words, 3 syllables: Awesome.
6. How bout that America? How’s she doing?
7. Finally got caught up on Breaking Bad. Oh Walter White, you scurvy dog you. Also, Dear Writers: Haunting, and I literally mean Haunting ending to that one dude’s life. Love, Tyler.
7. I made up a joke today while I was teaching and it wasn’t that funny then but I’m going to Tweet it later and hopefully it’ll stay unfunny and everyone will hate it and cuss at me behind my back.
8. I’m going to the Killer Tribes Conference officially now. You wanna meet up and have forced awkward conversation with me and then go play Freeze Tag and become BFF for ever? Cool. Cool Cool Cool.
9. Facial Hair: Face Poop or All-Natural Blemish Cover?
10. All I’ve eaten in the past 23 hours is 2 things of string cheese back-to-back. I’m so hungry I could eat the Black Eyed Peas. Not Fergie or Will.I.Am, they’re too expensive, or the other dudes cause they’re too strange. I mean real black eyed peas, like the food.
11. Did you vote for my new company yet or should I bring it up again?
12. I’m thinking about making a Stuff Students Say video since everyone is getting rich and famous from those kinds of videos (replace stuff with spit but change the p), and I got bills to pay so why take a half-court buzzer shot for a few views? Pride? Nope, lost that a long time ago.
13. Thoughts.
In the comments, what are some things students/high school kids say?
Last night was a time when we as a Union listened to a speech from our respectable States. Hence: The State of the Union Address. It’s a lot like any Michael Douglas movie, but with better acting.
In it, President Obama went over several things of importance to the people of the Americas (minus everyone except The America), one of which was education.
As a veteran teacher with enough years and college degrees to invoke a debt I will surely not be able to pay back with the job it has earned me, I thought it was my duty, nay right, nay choice, to let you know the changes The Government should make with regards to education.
Allow teachers to use paintball guns to keep kids on their toes during a lesson.
Free Pizza.
Money awards for smart kids. Question right? 10 bucks. Homework done? Sacagawea Gold Dollar.
Read interesting books like my epic toilet novel of meritocracy. (What outlet should the previous sentence go to? The shameless plug.)
Teacher Theme music that plays upon entrance.
7th period dance parties.
Zoolander Tuesdays.
Video Game classes (dibs on Nintendo 64)
Let us wear hats, for the love.
Practical Jokes: APPROVED!!
Tie Thursdays.
Make it just like college.
Okay, so those might not all get approved, so I put a few more that are less fun below.
If a student doesn’t do well, don’t blame the teacher, blame the parents. You don’t blame a Doctor when they tell a kid what to do/take to get better when they’re sick, so why blame teachers? Punishment: Make the parents attend school with their student if the student is failing, because it’s a pretty safe bet that parent could use some education as well.
Make more courses relevant. Kids ask when they’ll use Algebra II, I say on the test. They say when after that, I say never except for a handful of jobs. Reasoning: If you can make it applicable, I can justify why they should learn it.
Pay Teachers more money. When someone says they shouldn’t because they get 3 months off in the summer, I laugh in their face to keep from punching it. Not only will the best want to be teachers because it would be a good financial decision, but the time they would save from working 1 or 2 extra jobs to supplement the lack of income could be able to be used to hone their craft and become better teachers, which brings me to…
Offer them free post Bachelor education. I think I heard Norway or somewhere does it, and they are kicking faces in Education. Look at it as an investment: the better teachers teach, it is exponential to how many students they can make better learners to become teachers to teach more leaders.
More kids to college. I know he’s already pushing this, but I think it’s a pretty basic principle: The more smart people we have, the more smart decisions people make.
Why? Because it is the only thing I can think of that affect every single person in America. If we can make the masses smarter/better, everything else gets better.
But what do I know, I’m just a math teacher.
Do you agree/disagree/have anything to add?
I hereby declare Sundays as Not Attempts at Humor Days aka Studio Sundays.
Every Sunday I will feature a video/photos I did for someone.
Funny? Of course not, anything else just wouldn’t be my style.
Attempted Humor? Not on Sundays.
For stuff I do where I’m not trying to be funny (I emphasize ‘try’ because all I do is make attempts), check out Tyler Tarver Studios.
I did a couple of Wedding Videos. Here’s one if you give a hoot like owl language:
Kristen & Blake
Kristen & Blake from tyler tarver on Vimeo.
Call me if you want to pay me money (not a lot, who am I…Kim Kardashian’s divorce lawyer?)
I originally wrote this letter For the Love of Writing. Not, like, cause I, like, love, like, writing; but because that is the name of the website constructed by the elegant and witty Sarcasm Goddess (her birth name). Here it is playas:
DEAR HANSEL AND GRETEL,
Hey you 2. What’s up like a Disney movie? I’m kidding, you’re both idiots.
That was harsh, allow me to explain, or don’t, you’re both fictional. I think you both lack the mental capacity for common sense. Why? Let me break it down like K-Nex.
a) You followed a witch to her house. Unless it’s Hermione Granger, I’m not going. If it is, I’m running whilst carrying her. Sorry Amanda.
b) You left bread as your “foil proof plan”. Seriously? Ok, this was kinda a good idea, but why didn’t you just run into the woods. She’s an old witch for goodness sake. Goodness sake? What’s that.
Okay, so maybe it’s just one reason, but you still should never follow a witch into the woods. Especially if she’s a cannibal witch with high standards for meat quantities.
I had to google your name to know how to spell it. I’m looking at you Gretel.
What kinda name is that? Gretel. It sounds likes what soup turns into if you leave a little bit in the pan on the skillet and it gets really crispy, like a hard Pringle.
Have you guys ever been to a baseball game?
I doubt it, from the sound of it you have pretty neglectful parents to let you roam around in the woods with bread when you’re too stupid to not follow witches.
What do you guys do for a living?
That story is like 20 or 100 years old, so I bet you guys probably work at a gas station or are dead.
What’s it like to live in the part of heaven where stupid people live?
I’m sorry for being so mean to you guys, it just really bugs me that you were so irresponsible. I bet you’re the kind of students that say they did their homework and left it at home but really are lying and didn’t even start it.
Hansel, you seem cool.
Love,
Tyler
Ps Seriously, your parents were probably on drugs when they named you guys.
Feast your eyeballs on these little darlings.
This last one is a pic I took of a shot from 6 hours of the dude who was an extra as a waiter in the pilot episode of Seinfeld because I was going 10 over on the interstate to get past an 18-Wheeler cause I was going to be late to volunteer at a church conference. I know, the law is the law is the law is I don’t have to like it because I like not giving away money.
What’s the slowest/fastest over you’ve ever gotten pulled over for?
You don’t look like a Donald, you look more like a Jet, not a real jet, but a person named Jet. Maybe it’s the leather jacket that you wore one time.
I think you’re very clever and funny and a great rapper and good writer and I think we should be the same person sometime. What? That’s creepy and I didn’t say it some dude did he just ran in here and typed it and I was all like “Don’t do that” and he was all like “Don Vee gon tu wassup”.
I think he was German or something cause they’re known for typing occasionally and being creepy.
They’re also know for hyperinflation and hamburgers, but let’s not get racist, or I guess, countyiest. That’s not a word, but then neither is Sentence but people say that all the time.
What’s the Internet?
Do you ever edit your IMDB page? I would. I’d give a crapload of strange trivia on there with preplanned response jokes so when you get interviewed about it you could sound really on the spot clever and witty but you are so you have nothing to prove like a potential illigetimate child’s dad that was out of the country during the whole year prior to birth.
Thanks for making Camp and the song Freaks & Geeks. They’re both excellente like a Spanish word.
Later.
Love,
Tyler
Ps I know you probably get sick of hearing this, but Happy Birthday whenever it comes around.
Clay Morgan (11)
Stephen Haggerty (11)
TMZ (7)
gabriella (6)
Renee Schuls-Jaco... (5)
Travis Frey (5)
Ricky Anderson (4)
The Joseph Craven (4)
Amanda (3)
Sharideth (3)